"The routines of one's life create the illusion of stability" --Azar Nafisi, Reading Lolita in Tehran

I have not had a long-term, consistant routine for about a year: since last Decmber to be exact, since mono diagnosis. The recent past seems translucent and liquid in nature. In fact, vibrant and unusual memories color the past year magnificently, especially since June: from Seeds of Peace to South East Asia and now here I am in Morocco. But as I think back to the bigger picture, everything at once, without recalling specific events-- like conversing with Zalmay Khalilzad (US Ambassador to the UN and big fat evil old fiend), capoeira at sunset, puttering through the Tamanegara rainforest, navigating the streets of Bangkok or Singapore, uncovering the history at Angkor Wat, discovering shibekia, living at Bab Ziat, travelling under and over mountains in the High Atlas, eating at Rashida's, digging into Moroccan Arabic in all its glory-- as I think back over it all without conjuring specific events, I feel displaced, uprooted, incoherent in space and in time.

Perhaps this has something to do with the speed of it all. Life has caught me in a white water current and I am doing all I can to paddle against it (or with it?) to keep myself from capsizing, and maybe ever make some progress in the process. I feel like a Moroccan flying through the Fes medina on a moped, swirving and honking to avoid a collision, wind in my face, thoughts ablur in the motion and noise. The medina, that labyrinth, is endless in all its crooks and crevices. Will I crash or keep on flying? Will I ever stop? Time flies and I have no way to stop it, nor any way to push it on. Beginning to end, middle in between, but as soon as I mention the present it is already the past. The future will be the future until it becomes the now. But that now is now the past. How do I capture ny of it from my moped? Couldn't tell you actually, I'm not allowed to ride a moped, liability issue. Guess I'll have to stick to my swivel chair.